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Twenty-five years ago, the ticket to anyone’s heart was a luxury watch or a charm bracelet. Small trinkets and thoughtful gifts ruled the world of jewellery, with sheer size and extravagance taking a back seat to class and style. Watches were small and modest, jewellery classy and down-key, and bracelets generally smaller than a vinyl record.

Then rap took over the music world, and jewellery took a sharp turn towards the ridiculous. Chains and necklaces went from a small accessory into a must-have item, increasing in size at the same speed as the genre itself. From diamond-encrusted rings to ‘iced out’ vehicle rims, the rap industry took over the world of fashion to the point where classy, modest, and slick pieces of jewellery seemed to fall out of view entirely.

We’ve had a good look at the world of rap jewellery – one of the few luxury industries almost completely unaffected by the recession, it would seem – and come away with what we think are the seven most ridiculous displays of wealth and bling out there. Whether you’re a fan or a hater, these seven items will get you fired up, inspired, or downright disgusted.

1.    The Hideous ‘Crunk Ain’t Dead’ Necklace

When it comes to wasted opportunities, few jewelers can point to anything other than this truly disgusting ‘Crunk Ain’t Dead’ necklace. Designed for Lil Jon, this necklace borders on the ridiculous, not just in side but in its incredibly decadent construction materials.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/3236zww

Pieced together with over 3,700 different diamonds, solid gold construction, and a chain worth more than the average family car, this piece is the definition of classless bling. In 2007, Guinness World Records acknowledged the piece’s excess, labeling it as the world’s largest diamond necklace. If overpriced and overindulgent jewellery is a hobby, this piece could be worth a look.

2.    Paul Wall’s Grills

Named and shamed by social commentators as one of the world’s dumbest fads, ‘grills’ are a jewellery item made popular by Southern hip hop stars. Worn since the early 1980s by a range of hip hop groups – often as a parody of the genre itself – grills became semi-mainstream after Southern rapper Paul Wall started sporting them in the early 2000s.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/mrylvc

Nowadays, grills are a major part of Southern rap culture. Wall’s own custom grill brand produces a variety of luxury grill sets, some priced in excess of $30,000. Due to their potential health risks and unknown construction methods, many schools and organizations in the USA have banned grills from being worn on their premises.

3.    Rick Ross’ Personal Face Pendant

It takes a special kind of narcissist to get a giant, jewel-encrusted necklace in the shape of their own face. Thankfully for the rap world, Rick Ross is just that narcissist! This Miami-based rapper and former police officer decided that being the punchline of the hip hop world wasn’t quite enough – he needed a real piece of jewellery to solidify his position as rap’s most cliché participant.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/33krxsf

This ridiculous chain certainly doesn’t disappoint. If you’re in the market for a piece of jewellery that truly makes you look like a clown, it’s difficult to look past a giant gold face. Whatever happened to simple pendants, charm bracelets, and nice looking chains?

4.    T-Pain’s ‘Big Ass Chain’

T-Pain is a pretty cool guy. The rapper-turned-autotune-singer has his own cool iPhone application, which has been featured on hundreds of TV shows and Youtube videos. He even took part in a hip hop parody video last year, making himself the target of plenty of jokes and hip hop cliché accusations.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/32o6zcv

When it comes to meta humor, this giant chain fits the bill. T-Pain is known for pushing the envelope and poking fun at rap culture, and a giant chain saying nothing but ‘BIG ASS CHAIN’ certainly achieves that goal. While we can’t see this piece of bling fitting in discretely at a black-tie event, we can see it getting a few laughs at a hip hop industry function.

5.    Sean Kingston’s $500,000 Crayon Box

Is this the most bizarre piece of rap jewellery ever? Sean Kingston – a ‘rapper’ and reggae singer from Miami – might have purchased the strangest piece of rap jewellery when he commissioned this custom ‘crayon box’ necklace. Valued at over five-hundred-thousand dollars, the bizarre colored piece includes thousands of gems and precious stones.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/3ymnk2p

Amazingly, not only was Kingston stupid enough to buy such an ugly piece of jewellery, he was stupid enough to ship it cross-country via Fed Ex. Not surprisingly, the ultra-valuable piece of kitsch bling was stolen from its parcel, leaving Sean Kingston with an empty box and a sizable loss upon the package’s arrival.

6.    Flava Flav’s World Famous Clocks

Few rappers can compete with Flava Flav when it comes to absurd jewellery and ridiculous accessories. The Public Enemy hype man has been rapping since the early 1980s, throwing punchlines related to social justice and helping Public Enemy become one of the world’s most respected and popular hip hop groups.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/3yzf67e

He’s also helped popularize one of the weirdest trends in rap – the giant clock chain. Aiming to create a unique persona in his early days, Flava Flav started wearing wall clocks around his neck, imitating the look and feel of a giant pocket watch. The fad soon caught on, giving thousands of rappers inspiration for their garish plus-size necklaces and pieces of jewellery.

7.    Petey Pablo’s ‘Brain’ Chain

Petey Pablo – known to some as Moses Barrett III – disappeared from the rap scene in the mid-2000s. While he’s apparently working on a new album, most music critics aren’t particularly interested in the release – the rapper’s latest singles have been fairly lackluster and uninteresting.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/352o3tu

What is interesting, however, is the rapper’s obsession with bizarre jewellery. This gold-plated necklace is designed to resemble Brain from ‘The Pinky and the Brain’ – a cartoon cancelled in the 1990s. Petey’s bizarre chain apparently goes beyond poor taste and into poor financial planning too – the rapper supposedly sold the chain to a Los Angeles pawn shop in 2009.

It’s the subject of many movies and the goal of many more criminal fantasies: jewellery theft. From ultra-thrilling chase stories to bumbled heists, the world of jewellery thieves is rich, colourful, and occasionally, quite profitable. A well-planned heist could earn thieves millions of dollars, and get them one set closer to the jet-set on-the-run lifestyle.

Of course, jewellery heists aren’t all glitz, glamour, and gadgets. For every one James Bond styled heist, there are hundreds of colossal failures and lengthy prison sentences. These eight heists combine weird strategy with slick skills, and have resulted in some bizarre and amazing jewellery getaways.

1.    The McDonalds Smash n’ Grab

The parking area of a McDonalds probably isn’t the most popular place for a million-dollar diamond heist, but for four thieves in Northern Pennsylvania, their car-park break-in proved very profitable indeed. After a man entered the restaurant to grab a bite to eat, four thieves smashed the window of his Mercury Sable – not exactly a vehicle that would suggest immense wealth – and took off with over $900,000 worth of jewellery, primarily made up of rings, necklaces, and bracelets.

It’s amazing that the thieves managed to find a car with such huge reserves of jewellery inside, especially in a public McDonalds car-park. Foul play or just dumb luck?

2.    Two Airport Baggage Handler Jewellery Cons

Two baggage handlers at New York City’s JFK International Airport caused a stir when they broke into a shipping container intended for Brazil, stealing over $250,000 worth of Swiss jewellery and accessory products. Like most thieves, their plan fell apart when they were forced to improvise – after storing the missing jewellery in an airport locker, police quickly discovered what had happened. Both men are currently facing almost 15 years in prison for their poorly-planned airport heist.

3.    The Mother-Son Thieving Team

Here’s a rob-the-jeweller story with an interesting twist. A small jewellery store in the German city of Dresden was victim to an unusual heist – a 17-year-old boy robbed the store while his mother sat outside in the car waiting for him. After dropping her son and his two would-be thug friends at the store (supposedly to avoid them injuring themselves on the way over), the boys 36-year-old mother casually waited in the car for them to return.

The mother was sentenced to almost 4 years in prison for her actions. While we don’t know the three boys’ sentences, their presumably much steeper – their robbery involved an assault and several violent attacks to the store owner.

4.    The World’s Biggest Diamond Heist

“In February 2003, Notarbartolo was arrested for heading a ring of Italian thieves. They were accused of breaking into a vault two floors beneath the Antwerp Diamond Center and making off with at least $100 million worth of loose diamonds, gold, jewellery, and other spoils.”

Leonardo Notarbartolo’s heist story goes above and beyond what most would consider extreme – it’s one of the most incredible heist stories around. After an error on their escape – evidence of the heist strewn around the forest – his team of expert thieves were caught and thrown in Belgian prison. For a crime story that truly defies what we think of as reality, check ‘em out.

5. Paris Hilton’s $2 Million Jewellery Swindle

Whatever happened to just buying a girl a charm bracelet? This thief (or gang of thieves) hit Paris Hilton’s Hollywood mansion as part of a string of celebrity burglaries. After accessing the house at 5am, the thieves made off with over $2 million in jewellery.

Hilton’s house is equipped with a full video surveillance system, which could mean these all-star thieves are brought to a much-needed end. In the last two years, their targets have included Paramount Pictures head Sherry Lansing, guitarist John Taylor, and country artist Faith Hill.

6.    Man Attempts to Swallow a $20,000 Ring

Compared to some of the jewellery heists on our list, this $20,000 thievery is trivial. However, for 23-year-old Cleon Harris, a stolen $20,000 diamond ring was worth losing his dignity, and probably his lunch, for. After stealing the ring from a local woman’s unguarded handbag, this bumbling idiot of a thief decided to sell it for a quick profit.

Unfortunately, he chose a jewellery store in the same town as his ultra-skilled ring theft. The owner recognized the ring immediately, called the police, and stalled Harris until they arrived on the scene. During his would-be escape, Harris attempted to swallow the ring and get away from police. He succeeded at neither, ending up ring-less and in jail.

7.    London’s $65 Million Ring, Bracelet, and Watch Heist

After being hit by a devastating $23 million robbery in 2003, this London jewellery store was robbed again, this time for almost $65 million. Scotland Yard detectives arrested and detained a man believed to have been connected to the robbery, but at the time hadn’t managed to locate or arrest either of the two well-dressed jewellery thieves.

The thieves are believed to have made off with over £40 million in jewellery, including dozens of luxury watches, bracelets, and lavish hoop earrings. Altogether, dozens of jewellery sets and items were taken, leaving this store out of a few customers, and hopefully covered by a comprehensive insurance policy.

8.    Legendary 79-Year-Old Jewellery Thief Gets Caught

Doris Payne, one of the most well-known jewellery thieves in the world, ran out of luck this January as she was caught stealing a $1300 Burberry coat from a Los Angeles jewellery store. The veteran thief had been caught and sentenced numerous times before, but had refined her theft formula to near superhuman levels.

Payne would reportedly enter stores the world over, from Paris to Tokyo, and try on jewellery. With a story for the clerk and some impressive slight of hand for any cameras, this master thief managed to steal hundreds of thousands worth of jewellery every year. Unfortunately for her, this latest $1300 mistake could be her last – the 79-year-old is awaiting trial in an LA jail.